Mogwai Fear Satan.
Last night I saw a movie called "All The Real Girls", which came out about 4 years ago and was written and directed by a guy named David Gordon Green. It was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, but it also had a pretty intense effect on my emotional state because of its subject matter, that of a relationship between two people who are both making their first real attempt at taking a relationship seriously and being vulnerable to their partners. I wish I could explain more about it but I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, and I'm afraid I'm giving away the ending by even saying this much. But still, I have to mention this: the last third or so of the movie was heartwrenching and I could see myself in the emotional struggles of the characters. In fact, having opened myself up to significant others several times during the course of my 20s and having it end disastrously and heartbreakingly every time, I could understand when one of the minor characters said, towards the beginning of the movie, "I don't ever want to be that close to anyone else again." Sometimes I don't think I'll ever be capable of it again either.
The big music-related moment in the film came for me when, after a pretty intense scene, the next few minutes of the movie were a sped-up montage of the characters going on with their daily lives (something I can imagine was pretty hard considering how they were probably feeling under the surface). The montage was set to one of the quieter sections of "Mogwai Fear Satan" by Mogwai, a song I've loved for years. It's hard for me to explain the attraction I have to a 16-minute instrumental that consists of a band playing the same three chords over and over, with the only variations being how loud they're playing them at any given moment. But ever since I heard it for the first time, while on a somewhat stressful solo road trip, I've been fascinated by it. It's just a song that seems to fit perfectly with certain moods. I've always thought that it would make perfect soundtrack music if it were used with the right scene, and "All The Real Girls" came close to doing that (though if it were me, I would have used one of the parts of the song where it goes suddenly from quiet and reserved to loud and distorted).
This morning when I woke up, I wanted to hear it again, and I put it on repeat while I was getting ready for work. Now, at work, I'm listening to it on repeat again. It seems like I should be tired of it by now--that droning three-chord motif should have worn me out a long time ago. Instead, it's worked its way into my head, as it always does, and I can't really stand to listen to anything else. I wish I could put my finger on what the feeling this song inspires in me actually is--maybe it would make this entry seem a little less like a stupid waste of time. But I can't. I just know it's there. And when I'm feeling crappy like this, it helps. A little bit.
Mogwai - Mogwai Fear Satan